I went through menopause about 6 years ago and since then my sexual desire has disappeared. We hope that information helps! then I just stopped and everything is good now! It is day to day. I start to tense up adrenalin starts pumping and get nauseated and repulsed by the thought of carrying out the act of full penatrative sex. Can a childhood of emotional and physical abuse also cause this? Over time, he mellowed. Once you enter your information, youll be directed to a list of therapists and counselors who meet your criteria. I dont understand how this works because it feels good sexually and I still can reach climax so I dont know how thats so disconnected. Me, I just wanted to listen to 50s music, and watch The Golden Girls haha. My former husband married me because he felt bad for me and wanted to do right by you, a single mom. Well, guess what, I now wont date, wont let anyone touch me and I dont want to. My suggestion before you get consumed in hatred (I was that too), go back to doing the sh#t you loved when you were 6 years old. Its not that I dont want sex, but for some reason, I worry and panic about it. the real heart of the matter runs far deeper. It is so bad that I actually threw up after they guy I am seeing ejaculated on me. Begin thinking of your partner, touching you, or being intimate with you. Let your mind wander, and write down what makes you feel anxious at the end of 15 mins. But When many voiced their concerns about his seniority coming home and resuming his position with more than 60 percent of the work force and 152 other military returnees were coming back with the same or a little less. She said she understands. Well, now at least I know where I stand. For highly sensitive people especially, sex isnt just purely physical, its also emotional, mental, and even spiritual. You have the say as to what goes on there and with you. When he discharged in may 1985. Also, I feel that since I have had two marriages and two divorces, I feel like I need to work on my spirituality and salvation. A strong feeling of disgust came over me and it just stuck with me after that. Over the last 3-4 years I have completely lost my sex drive. Then I thought the cause was my self-image (problems with the way i look). It is easier for me to not be bothered by it and to like myself more in that respect because I am alone and there is only my judgment. I have been this way for most of my adult life, not because anything bad happened to me or I had a bad experience, I guess I am just one of those unfortunate people for whom sex is kind of like a turn off to me. Im a happily married man, I love my wife and Im only 29. It is a challenge for me to be around men I am always conscious of my flab, stretch marks, fat and I make sure that no man ever (and I mean EVER) gets me a drink unless it comes with an unopened lid/cap.. this ensures I will not be drugged. AHHHHH! I hate hate hate sex. Like clearly, Im sleeping, doing homework, watching a video on my phone and he all of a When my husband touches me I feel like I need to gasp for air. I just tell him that I love him and want to be with him, but that Im just not feeling any sexual desires. Be a loving spouse or be history. He is not interested in a marriage with you or even towing his own weight. Outracious, right?! I find myself getting dressed very quickly because I know that if catches me naked, hes going to come up to me and start grabbing my private parts. I was convinced females were dangerous, and I became very good at ignoring them. Turning a guy on can please a woman without having to be touched. Now Im understanding its not a bad thing, and can be a compliment. I couldnt keep lying and forcing myself to pretend I was enjoying sex just because my husband still needed sexual intimacy. I havent been able to make myself do that for so long. if I had not, I would have been gang raped in an alley and this happened in an affluent area of town one of the most expensive places in America to live. Im so sorry that this is happening to you. I dont think he will change so parting ways is a matter of time. Should I see a sex therapist, or would even just a regular therapist help? I want to be with the guy, I really enjoy sex but this response kills the moment along with my sex life. I too, have ZERO turn-ons. That is all they think about 24/7. SEX REMINDS ME OF LOVE. WebIt is common that when someone is experiencing a disturbance in their emotional and mental health, they may not demonstrate as much affection as they would at other times. Im sorry that you have had such horrible experiences with men. I stood in front of my mirror a few times a day and told myself how beautiful I was and that I love my body, love myself, could accomplish anything I wanted to..ect.. Well.. you know what happened? Im sure she realizes this, and appreciates this. My opinion is that in order to categorize a condition as an aversion, there cannot be a situation in which an individual is capable of making a conscious exception and allowing a partner to engage them in a sexual act resulting in their enjoyment. Oh.. and who knows.. you may just find one of the few amazing men that are out there, that will love you, for you.. stretch marks and all! I can live with the status quo. To use your analogy, if a heterosexual female is not attracted to another female, that wont necessarily relate to negative feelings. So, yes, one can definitely have trouble opening up about this. Like I have told therapists I know exactly what my issues are, how they came to be and what it will take in a normal situation to overcome/move past it. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. Doing something to someone else (touching, etc.) Are there common warning signs or red flags that I should have seen? Wifes responsibility is to provide those NEEDS. Regardless of what empowering dont care what he thinks, says or does you throw at me, its bull, it does matter. I hope things look up for you! I can relate to both of you. I cant understand how God could allow this to happen to us. The key is to find a way to discuss it with each other in a way that doesnt leave either of you feeling anger and guilt. If I had known that a man would feel so much hate and despise everyone for making him see to their needs before his. Its all allowed. = sexual aversion. When I finally decided that my partner was the guy I wanted to lose it to, it was because of our emotional connection. The way this is expressed makes me cringe. Relationships are not for everyone they are currently not for me havent been for a super long time. I think the first step was realizing the problem is not just ME . The stretch marks and messed up skin from having babies is only a small portion of the issue its really just gravy. Youre allowed to discover your personal sexual preferences, youre allowed to take your time in figuring this out, and youre allowed to say at the end of the day that you dont like sex and dont feel comfortable with it, if thats the conclusion you come to. Maybe its because, that instead of hugging me when hes by me, he grabs my ass or breast instead. I dont refuse sex now like I did until 2013, after he became angry I was going out for a dinner event, Told me I was not going to appear at said dinner with his father mother and on the arm of his fathers best friend unless I went nude not in a dress his pay paid for I was not going.. I had my opportunities, believe me, but never wanted to take them. I have been married to my husband for over 6yrs now. I know if I dont give him sex.. he will get it elsewhere. This is all done, with the hope that the brain will rewire the previous links. Im so sorry that this has been happening for you. Thank you for posting JO.. Life in my earlier years was passionate and active in the sex world. Well, If a woman tries to meet those needs.no matter what they are or how they are Expected to be expressed, without feeling like a mutual partner engaging in a mutually fulfilling expression of love, I would totally expect her to react negatively to providing for his NEEDS. I could theorize that he is also an empath and can tune into me and would never push if it wasnt welcomed, and its just flows with ease, regardless of if sexual pleasure or a simple hug or snuggling takes place. Sex is part of that but I think its a small part. I would lock myself in the bathroom for at least 15 min. I DO think that it would be benefical to practice positive self talk. sex is spiritual in nature. My penis head is two sensitive. The minute that a sexual encounter feels expected, even if the person doesnt mean for it to come across that way, I completely shut down on all levels. I asked, If the things youre doing to your boyfriend are sexual in nature, and Bottom line, I am disappointed and feel defrauded. This will involve MORE patience from the unhappy partner, but, keep in mind that the partner may also be the cause of the problem. I feel awful and dont understand it at all. Hey Matt, Thanks for sharing your story. I just looked at her in awe. I was also able to get of antidepressants without him in my life. I think that there is something within all humans that makes you have this need to be loved and touched and if you are not feeling that then I think that there is something that needs to be addressed. Depression could make someone feel like their not happy about anything. I know that if I dont, he will leave me or have an affair. I feel affection and physical attraction for him but this presses the anxiety button as he is physically strong and has a strong sexual drive which in normal circumstances would already be at times difficult to sustain for me I need more physical space .. Take it week by week or month by monthwhatever youre comfortable with. Everything I say, he manages to turn it into something sexual. There was just nothing we could suggest that was a compromise he would accept even just staying home and resting those three weeks was not acceptable to him. Feeling repelled may not always be a sign of a state of beyond anxiety, in my opinion. I must have been a a malicious maniacal rapist or something in a past life because this stuff thats happened to me is karma from a past life. Are you still with your husband? I will be praying for you. I want to enjoy it. Then the affair changed my life. Yes, the same thing happened to me. My wife and I, have been together for 6 years, married for two- over the past few years, the sex has disappeared! One of the most important aspects of marriage is to work together when things are working out well. I have been to therapy, which helped a little but I still have the issues. help me people! Whens the last time you got some? 3 years ago. The list goes on. I am 51 years old. I know I was never traumatized in childhood, I had a normal appetite for most of adulthood, but Im in full-blown aversion territory now that I have 2 kids when my dating profile said doesnt want kids. Why have them? It is my score to remove my self from a relationship that will never be understood from someone whom is set in their ways. I love this man, yet I cannot for the life of me be attracted to him. I wanted many times to have a sex life with my husband and even offered it as a reward in 2001 if he removed his bid for a new job and shift and let four younger seniority have the new department, shift, and plant. Feeling guilty about not being able to please him. After about 2 weeks, we managed to have sex. Its a terrible problem really. I do not want to be touched, I do not want to have sex, I do not want to have anyone tell me anything about sex. I should not have a boyfriend. Tell her that your needs are not being fulfilled and tell her that you need her to sacrifice some things in order for your relationship to remain. Maybe keep a journal and write down any situations that come up that trigger you and any corresponding emotions that you feel as well. As you get more comfortable, increase the activities slowly over time. No, I havent gained weight and I am very interested and active and enjoy being intimate but he doesnt have any desire. Our friendship/relationship changed in character just recently, and became more personal. He is using you for all the reasons you mentioned and getting a free ride leaving you without your peace and hurting your spiritual health. This is spot on. We are sorry to hear about your struggles. Is it normal if I like to do things to my boyfriend but I hate being touched myself? I sincerely hope so. I dont think you are a freak, but if you are unlike me in the sense that you love your husband (I had a lot of resentment towards mine for his lack of compassion), I hope that you are able to take this information and get help. I went to his fathers after my mother bought me to Charelston SC to catch the bus to Kings bay with the rest of the wives going. I have begun to work on my Sexual Aversion and believe I will be able to overcome it. Hormones maybe? And she hasnt experienced traume. Narcissists come in both male and female form, and both should not be anywhere near a relationship. Since we started doing it again I try to avoid him. I want out. So sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband. Hi Ashley, Im a younger guy, who embarassingly, has not had many sexual encounters. My foot was not off the aircraft ten minutes when we discovered he was going to set back the vacation scheduals for hundreds because he wanted his three weeks the day I flew in. for my part I wasnt trying to have an affair, just sex. I can tell you from experience, guys can end up here too. Theres so much more to my story, but the jist of it all is that I crave sex, though Im in total control of myself when it comes to seeking an amicable sex partner. We are not rich but solid middle-class. Are there any type of online support groups for those who are suffering from Sexual aversion? I came here looking for information on my own sexual aversion and after almost a year of struggling with it, my own husband came clean and told me he has a porn addiction. Youd think if I was wanting sex bad enough that I could just push this anxiety aside, but I cant! If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. Though I think most responses here are issues with marriage and not from repeated abuse the abuse coming from someone you know as is most often the case. Webthat you are fat. Practice Management Software for Therapists, Rules and Ethics of Online Therapy for Therapists, How to Send Appointment Reminders that Work, http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html, http://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. My husband said why warn them that would not have been fun for him. Case in point, I am an artist. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. Then the affair came. (Weve periodically had an open relationship, and she hasnt had this response with other lovers.) Hi Sara. Physical contact just feels unnatural to me and to an extent it makes me feel like people are violating my personal space, even when the way they touch me is completely appropriate. Sex is a very important part of a relationship. Im not sure if I have sexual aversion or just a severe case of menopausal sexual shut down. Hi Random_Person, I will offer one piece of advice that was given to me. Its very sad I wish more men where kinder and would think with their minds, rather then their di*ks. Or from just reading about it. My partners regular drinking makes me totally anxious and I will not be touched. You need to tell your BF you arent going to live as married anymore and he must leave. You do not feel aroused, yet you engage in sex anyway Third: You state that if shes not willing to do it , you will have to get it elsewhere. Men are Satan. I love him very much , you would think that love would allow me to do anything for him , but it doesnt ! Anonymous (the person above me)that is not sexual aversion disorder. stuck in a cycle of feeling out If the lack of sex is an issue talk to your wife if you cant find a solution get a divorce unless shes OK with you cheating on her. Too many broken hearts, one just cant bear another may not survive. I did as I was taught and followed the rules and ended up married to a sex avoidant wife. Could they have dissociated those memories? Marriage should come with an expiration date. I quit initiating several years ago because the consistent rejection was too hard to handle. Yes Jessica.. everything you described is me and my situation for over 10 years now. I can relate to a lot of your post. I try to start on the steps to get better however I have been going through this with my husband and I have tried to set boundaries as one of the steps indicate what do I do if my husband doesnt respect the boundaries I set and makes me feel that I have no choice and make him happy but giving into him and having sex with him or telling him that there are curtain kinds of sexual acts that I do not like and will never do he still asks for them. Two different things. Thanks, Hi Angie. I know I still love her but this aversion is making it impossible for us to move forward after this affair. Id say so. I use a lot of caps and ellipsis too! From my point of view, youre not claiming to have a sexual aversion, and shouldnt be allowed to make such a claim if in fact, these things that you like to do to your boyfriend are indeed sexual in nature, and aimed at bringing your partner pleasure/satisfaction. I had researched him before hand on facebook and felt at ease because he was newly married (about 1.5 years) and his wife was incredibly beautiful. Now 57 life has promoted menopause and left much of what inspired earlier in life awash. Or even jokingly put someone down, even in jest. leads to disgust with men as a whole.leads to disgust with sexleads to disgust with menso on and so forth. I had mine before we met and he is selling and buying another home. Do you tend to avoid or limit sexual activity? I wasnt always like this either.. She could do what ever she wanted I didnt care. I was not interested. I once went to a clothes optional hot springs and went along with all the nakedness but I was thinking the whole time best to leave your clothes on, folks. But the worst part of that, is I simply never clicked with my husband. I used to love sex and being touchy with my husband. It was just something that happened to me if I was "grossed out" by something. I could never remain sexual if it werent for my husbands understanding and willingness to help. I have been through a lot of ups and downs and inside outs.. I pray that my love for her will never fade..Hopeless in Garland,TX. I had a tendency to get into my head, even if someone was noticeably attracted to me. Especially the foreplay. But youre totally right in that a woman who has this type of aversion, can become totally disgusted with their man, thinking they are oversexed and OBSESSED! A sex therapist could be helpful, but a trauma therapist or couples counselor could also be beneficial, especially if you are having trouble talking about your past with your partner. I have healed from it and I am ok with the idea of sex in general. And I think that there should be a sort of solution for us to be satisfied but she says shell never change, and I dont know what to do honestly. Not being in love with someone anymore and not having a feeling of making love with someone you do love, are two completely different situations. You see, my ill-gotten relationships of my life made me physically ill and manifested in a disease. I began ice skating lessons, coloring in kids coloring books expand your physical activity (workout, it helps to get over the emptiness and bitterness) and throw yourself into art. I cant figure out whether if i hate having sex or love having sex because if flip flops, I have bi polar disorder and severe aniexty could it be associated with these dis orders. Thank you for your contribution. Hi Sarah, It was always a here we go again with the sex thing. Truly surprising. I try to tamp it down and go on but I miss that connection to her so much. Once in a while shell feel guilty and go through with sex, like the one time she allowed on our honeymoon. When I was more sexually active, I had this fear that if I dont have sex then my sexual libido will disappear completely, and when my recent partner started saying no to sex often, I found myself completely always turned off all the time. Maybe I just need to give it some time. Disgusting is talking about others behavior or charectistic means you are affecting from others like: a disgusting smell, distasteful language, revolting food. I have realized that I like the freedom of being single and celibate. It does help to know Im not the only one, though. I was lectured by the ombudsman that I was not to discuss any thing but reenlisting. I myself have been rape multiple times. Married going on 53 years, but I gave up sex with wife 40 years ago. My issues began with menopause. Most importantly, all of these reactions are normal responses to the traumatic event you have experienced. But, this seems to be such a common problem in relationships. Not desiring sex is just thatnot desiring sex. He said take his pi** father and my tramp self and pick a semi to step in front of and let him out from under the guardianship so he could have a life other than work. If a person who has this cannot initially pinpoint an early sexual trauma, does that immediately rule out sexual trauma? It really is gross. Assert your control over the situation by setting boundaries and ground rules. Partner is a person. I cant go without so I guess that I have to get it elsewhere. I would allow a sex life, be a willing travel companion and let him decide what he would do with his High seniority as he wanted without a word. I stated that it borders on sodomy to do this when you know that youre not going to deliver. Im very confused by this, as I love him very much. Well, there have been plenty of opportunties. I learned to avoid physical contact with him, because he was going to demand sex if I dared even hold his hand. All the best to you. I would pretend to be sleeping when he came home from working late (he was sometimes on call) so he would leave me alone. Chills bring an elevated heart rate and are usually felt on the skin. Not really understanding my condition or supporting he challenged to control me and manipulate his desires. If a sexual trauma occurs during these years, the brain may link sexual arousal or sexual touch with threat, danger, anxiety, or pain. The counselor we are seeing has told me so in private sessions and emphasized that I will need to be patient and let her come to that understanding in her own time, without pressure from me. Alice,, Sex is just the LAST thing on my list. Maybe you can get to this place too the healing and purging the negative energy stored in your body (if you dont believe it, listen to your thoughts and reactions to men and love) . I get shivers when someone touches me without permission. I slowly grew disinterested in sex with my partner and felt that it started becoming a chore. WebWhy do I feel disgust towards someone? This is EXACTLY the type of attitude that can cause women to feel like less when they DO have something like this. It just feels awful to me! My father for instance, though he was there, he was absent.

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