I have lost count of how many emails I have sent, doors knocked, letters posted, complaints to councils made, about the noise neighbours we have had make. You can only change yourself. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. Break up and never look back. It said that in our minds we have a Mammoth. This mammoth is there telling us that we are no good, we should give in because of this or that, we should have done such and such better, I wonder what people will think of me now, etc. I really struggle with this because codependents are urged to draw boundaries with people who do not meet their emotional needs. The treatment then was medication and psychiatric ward. I am very grateful he is in my life. I do not play head games or understand why people play them, I therefore frequently end up being the loser in social situations. 1- they had food, 2- i had asked that therapist to be registered to food bank in case for months she knew.. so no she was not bringing me anywhere. Because of his homelife with his ex wife who was also a narsistic person that had major alcohol abuse issues and insisted on having 6 children (girls) he was totally burnt out by the time I met him even though his marriage had ended 6 years prior. What I have written may not solve what people are experiencing living with individuals with Aspergers or Autism, but it may go a long way to understanding how they think and why some do the things they do and in turn may help solve a few problems. saying it was all my fault bla bla. He doesnt feel he does anything wrong and when I try to tell him how I feel and he calls them lectures and adds them to the list. It certainly has taints of narcissism. An APA study in 2021 found that 79 percent of workers reported work-related stress, with many heading for burnout. The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. I have a stepmom with narcissistic traits and I have autisim, and this article is so right We dont get along very well. This was a huge step for me in understanding how she felt. I diagnosed my husbands Aspergers and found ways of managing it within our relationship. I apologise for this being so long, but its a huge subject with a lot of traps for the unwary. He has almost savant like abilities with facts, dates, details and questions if others really know what theyre talking if they cant relate their knowledge as well as he does. It does a lot of harm how many people do you think dont get diagnosed because they have lots of enoathy so therefor believe they cannot be autistic? I just wish I could manage better. He is kind, considerate, loving, thoughtful, caring and tells me everyday how much I mean to him and how loved I am. He was a very hands on dad, but always felt like he wasnt good enough not understanding himself with aspergers. He is a generous man and good fun to be with but six months was a short time to evaluate the relationship. and that is, yes, the non-biochemical, non-material aspects and also non-spiritual I feel like you wrote this just for me. Even if they are not identical, they can co-exist. AMAZINGLY because of the way he was and because of my self medication with wine to get through this. If you can sense this in a partner and you see enough of them to love them then its worth a try. If she gets out of hand I just say your Asbergers is giving you a different outlook to me . What can I do to help put some balance in this situation? When trying to leave a narcissist it is hard and they will keep pulling you in if you let them. For one thing, both are on a spectrum. Always been told i am LAZY LAZY how.. i am ADHD too! 8. Ive found I can be friendly and develop some important close relationships, inspite of the stubborn Narcissist/autistic barage of put downs and emotional abuse from him. A lot of these unfortunate individuals end up with menial work and cannot afford decent therapy, as not all therapy is appropriate, its a minefield and awareness of the condition in question is vital. Thought I would add my 2 I have been aware of having Aspergers Syndrome for 18 years (Im 55 now), most of the above is true from a Nuerotypical point of view, I have been married twice, they both failed, after about three years, my first wife just got increasingly frustrated and angry, I became increasingly sad, as I couldnt work out why she was becoming more angry and abusive. Yes you are right, some days I feel okay then others I feel I have failed and sad. Im also affectionate and have no problem calling him sweetheart or hon etc but the only term of endearment he has for me after one year is Missy saying hes just not like that even though he calls his daughter sweetheart all the time. I try to make others happy cauz it makes me .. happy. Please dont underestimate how hard changing your perspective can be!!! A few months later there was a second flashback. The world upside down when you dont know yet that your family is a bunch of monsters trying to kill you since childhood who would.. even consider that as an option? You can ask him to leave if you have the courage, as maybe living separately will give you both more freedom to run your own lives independently, especially financially. I have included a link if I may that may help with some understanding of the situation. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. I wonder do you feel that the more he tells you it is not working the more you want to help him because you feel he has a problem you may be able to help with? Other than that he completely fits the description of a narcissist not someone on the spectrum as per your chart above. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children Maybe they have to be taught, if willing. And yes if you can get away from the blackhole like spirit of these people you are unwittingly facilitating. having . He basically accuses me of trapping him here, not caring about his needs and mental health, that I am a failure. Lol how can society be prosper and happy when it is lead by monsters that work on self-destruction? And no you arent grumbling unnecessarily as you are in effect keeping him, and he isnt a dependent child, he is supposed to be a partner. They live in an extended family, not in virtual worlds online without real contact, eye contact, touch, smiling, day light. Everything to freeze/forget my emotions or life. So I told him I reccently did an Autism quiz and it came back saying I was very high on the autistic side of the spectrum and should get assessed. All I said to her was that she struggled with things like object constancy and devaluation etc. I know I have this gift as it comes easily to me if I need to use it, and I have needed to use it from time to time, to protect myself and to guide another if they were willing to look deeply into themselves and their background. I appreciate the goals of this article, however the content on autism is very inaccurate and based on outdated misconceptions about autism. I was born into what seems to me to be a family of narcs and was terribly bullied, abused and scapegoated both as a child and as an adult in the end I had to cut contact with my whole family. I do not understand why people do not play fair or how anyone could willing hurt or gain pleasure from deliberately hurting another human being. But he also has always needed to be in control and cannot accept the thought that he is not so does all he can to remain in control. I wasnt after marriage as I have learned this isnt always appropriate for some but it doesnt mean a relationship cannot develop that will be satisfying for both parties. I understand medication is a great deal better these days, but would it have made a difference back then, I doubt it. Very kind regards, Is it really fair to say that those with Aspergers and HFA lack empathy? I am a 47 yo woman who has recently realised she is autistic and currently seeking a diagnosis. I have three GREAT kids. Retrieved from https://www.huffingtonpost.com/mark-goulston-md/just-listendont-confus_b_316169.html, Kellevision, (2015, August 6). Because nobody is ruining everything i do in my back. It appears mirror neurons also play a role in personality condition-related issues. Has huge difficulties with social interaction. My brother stopped communicating with me. I feel Im disabled in some way and technology isnt where I ought to be investing my time and my gifts. The worst case scenario was a workaholic trait which eventually took its toll and the sexual abuse came to light. I almost left then and now wish I had before I got too attached. That i should not worry its impossible not to worry since i know and see everyday all the narcs totally unable to see the problem.. see the face in the mirror Totally blinded. What prompted me, was that I have another daughter with three children, two recently diagnosed with autism. My family story is full to the brim with the human condition and how it can impact the members of an afflicted family. How do we recognize the sophistication of humanity and those that give and have gifts while increasing our understanding of the innate motivations of those that take in order to truly thrive and advance? Perhaps he acquired a paranoid personality disorder on top of that or at least depressive traits. Narcs if only they could self-destroy each other instead of trying to beat the few good people that are left in this world haa :(. He talked about moving in together when his daughter moves out in another year. (seared conscience). I had to get my teaching license renewed and finally retired as a teacher. I learned that my breakdown was caused not by the stress of change of job and moving house to another county. It was one of the saddest days of my life yet it was also one of the most powerful as I had spend a lifetime being controlled by this man I tried so hard to love. I do not understand manipulative behaviour and fall into the same traps over and over again, even with the same person. My husband and. I can see it as a survival strategy but I have realised I need to take responsibility for the relationships I agree to get involved with and this has nothing to do with the narcissist as a relationship has to have agreement and if a participant is taken advantage of its a lifes lesson to take seriously. When autistics and allistics communicate, it might come across that the autistic doesnt care, but the core difference between them and someone with NPD is the intention behind their actions. Hes just not interested. Just.. to not be under attack 24/7 all year long is such a relief i am.. I can relate to much of what you have said as far as the narcissistic partner, and how it destroys the very fabric of who you are. But after reading comments on this website I am totally convinced it is narcissism with my spouse. Some people just repeat research finding, as if this kind of research would be well informed lol. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Thats all the worst of the abuse. They say narcissists and sociopaths prey on nice people and people with compromising mental conditions. Our marriage ended after 25 years and was through my choice in asking him to leave. Im allergic to dogs but it only mattered to him what she wanted. Here is a table depicting some of the similarities and differences between the two conditions. But there is a big difference from one who knows he/she needs help and one who thinks he/she has all the answers and is always right, because they want to cover up their demons. The last time was when I left. Im sorry if I have rambled on so long I just needed to vent and dont want to do this with the family because then they will think bad of him. Yes, there can definitely be a difficulty mixing with ordinary people, it appears to me that there is a deeper and more involved line of thought with someone with aspergers, whereas it is more surface thoughts with the ordinary type of people, unless they actually specialise in a particular subject. Speaking from my own experience there is nothing I want more than to meet the needs of a partner and join with them spiritually. Only when I moved out from the shared house did I lose my fear of her. From what you have said, he considers you are the problem in this relationship and this is the reason why he is making statements that it is not working and hes telling you this with his list. This is typical narcissistic behaviour and is a tactic they use to demoralise and destroy the confidence of another person who allows them into his or her life. They may try to keep their demons at bay until the demons pounce on them and take them over. My brother and I just happened to be born to a mother who developed schizophrenia (if this was a true diagnosis back in the 1950s). I think these are both related to the abuse that Im sure (but without any evidence) that they received. The average autistic person is very well-meaning, but misunderstood. I feel its not going to be easy for him but there is no going back now. But my fear is that the relief is temporary.. i wont be relieved for 40 years What will happen to me when that moves on.. the emptiness of my life, the whole thing.. is pretty dam bad.

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