Saying we wont ever be able to move past this unless I magically wake up and see that im this controlling person who didnt appreciate him, etc. Their spouses are acting strangely to say the least. K. I suggested the lawyer so you know your rights just in case. As I look back on their iMesaage conversation that I saved before it was deleted, I realize that my behavior to try to save the marriage is the exact opposite of the flirty, mysterious, confident behavior that she is enjoying with her AP. It blows my MIND. and he was done being married. This is a man who loved me more than he loved himself. Sorry this is so long, I am a littler nervous to publish this to a website! Cannot last. Sometimes I feel like he is feeling positively towards me and then sometimes I think he really cant wait to just get out the door. Im sure thats all I will hear from him today. My mind truthfully runs rampant, its horrible. But part of me just puts so many random puzzle pieces together and thinks he is lying. Thank you for this. I wish Id done that on day 1, but the fear of losing them is so powerful, youre terrified to demand anything of them because they are already showing you that youre disposable to them, and youre terrified of giving them the final reason to boot YOU! I guess all I can do is work on ME and try to be the best place for him to be! He was in constant contact with me, video calls etc. As for the trick, I think & come into conclusion that only a million or more of cash & with save us, period. I think of suicide quite often now. While your husband may want a divorce, that doesnt mean you do and it doesnt mean you have to just give it to him. figueroa street shooting; jeffrey friedman chiropractor; gifted child humming; how to adjust sim max driver; midlife crisis when the fog lifts. You are wasting your time. And you have also posed how the 180 is necesssry for you. Sometimes I feel like he just wants a way out, to escape. I knew he could easily write off other people, but never me. Or you can take some time to decide WHAT YOU WANT!! My situation is a little bit different because my CS started the affair as an online thing, she is a long distance romance, he went to see her for 2 weeks where she lives, after what seems as maybe 6 months of knowing her via social media, they apparently got engaged, at least thats what she declared on her social media, and while he is still married to me. How convenient for him. Why would he say it now when things were so good between us? It is fine if you decide the M no mo get works. QUESTION? When I finally exploded and did not speak to him for days he finally knew I was furious and ended it. Sorry and just to add, because she doesnt trust him, he is going above and beyond to prove his love for her, posting it all over his social media, that his kids can see if they paid attention. I wish I had walked out in the first 60 to 90 days of his online obsession affair with someone else. And when she told me they were s seeing each other it explained everything. Right now it seems like he could care less, He is probably thinking to himself I knew she couldnt handle me going out. This sadness is TOO much. I did not want our kids to know and I was summer and they were not in school. He finally gets it. He took advantage one time too many. He tells me I need to find someone who will love me like I need and deserve. So again, after a few weeks we decided he would leave again, which was 2 weeks ago, and he never left. Then after a month or so of that (or maybe 2, I dont even remember at this point) he said he wanted to start staying the night to help me more, which happened to be after I told him I was moving on with or without him. But she knew exactly what she was doing. Who is this alien life form that has taken over my sweet loving husband who wanted nothing more than to be with me? I cant explain it, I do know he loves me, but its almost as if he doesnt realize how much he loves me until he no longer has me. We were cordial, didnt say much to eachother. He has started to be gone on the weekends, where he will go out Friday night after workfor all hours of the night and then go to work all day saturday (supposedly) and then go out saturday night all night. Dress nicely and just leave the house for several hours. I was calm and practical and told him if he does not want to be married any more (after 25 years) feel free to go. Your email address will not be published. Too chicken (or too confused to know what he wanted). Like I said, hes never waivered from saying he felt absolutely nothing for her, but he also never waivered from anything I cant prove in black & white, tangible, irrefutable evidence. But he will never bring himself to admit that because all his allies have validated him based on his lies, that everything is my fault. You need to get him to see that he disrespects you. There was nothing I could say or do to change his thinking. Instead of feeling satisfied, however, he felt trapped. I looked at him like he was crazy. I win! Even if he isnt speaking to the OW, his head is still fogged FOR SURE with what he wants for his life. I became my mother. Im afraid that living together like we are is going to make this worse, its going to give him a bad taste in his mouth of what its like to live together and when he does leave he will only feel relief instead of sad like he did when i asked him to leave a few weeks ago. Valentines Day he gives me a card apologizing for his lack of emotion, his emptiness, unhappiness, etc. And it seems like at moments he is completely out of the fog, he seems to be here, himself, wanting to be here, enjoying it. To this day I see him as needed but the good news is that I can weather this crazy storm and still be a good parent and keep it together. I dont want to live under her thumb. When thats not it at all. You have to stop trying to reason with people who only want one thing an A or alcohol or food or cigarettes. He is dressing differently and acting differently too..he even updated Facebook to show in a relationship with her before others even knew we were separated then he deleted me and blocked me since unblocked me hasnt added me again. We live in an area where good professional jobs are few and far between, and he is 5 years from retirement with the state. I am so afraid he will feel his life is better without me in it somehow..I dont know HOW WE GOT HERE. WebSo, if you're looking for answers and support during this time, you won't want to miss this episode. The coach tells my H, not many women would put up with H still working with OW (YeaIm a patsy ). And that you know he is lying. If you dont, thats what theyre going to do to you. 3 Signs of a Midlife Crisis Coming to an End - What to get I think when he goes out of town my mind goes WILD. He realized he had everything he wanted and needed and it was right in front of him his whole life. All things he may not even think about, but that I OBSESS over now bc I just want him to SEE ME again. Scary. And if im there calling the shots. ANy and ALL support of this decision is welcomed. Continue banging your head against the wall to effect a change (maybe) OR not engage in the circus and move past his drama. My ultimate goal is obviously for us to be together and work through this, but i cant make him want that. Im willing to do and try just about anything on my end that I can in order to hopefully help him want this marriage again, I just dont want to be disrespected and walked all over and its hard to know if thats happening when I dont know what I can trust., He told me in May (I think it was May) that he admires me when he sees me doing things for myself again and that it reminded him of the woman he fell in love with. I told him I had nothing left to give him. It peaked my suspicion enough that I went to the cell store and asked for as far back as they could go with detailed logs. You can let yourself get angry when he lies or you can accept he is ALWAYS going to lie and move on. And the next morning im upbeat and positive and ask no questions. But he had already ended the A. I dont know if my D him had any impact b/c he could have taken that opportunity to leave me to be with the OW (or anyone else for that matter) but he chose to stay. I was not the cause of his unhappiness. The only time it felt like he did was when I really made him leave and he felt remorseful and upset and was scared and I would barely speak to him for 4 days. He got back in town after the 2 days, I am about 95% he was with her, and he came here as soon as he got back and I ALMOST had a meltdown but I walked away and let him spend time with the baby and I went into the bedroom. It finally got through. As if I got them from another man or something, ya right. I need to DO iT. Do not fixate on her the OW. The more you detach and live for you and your baby the better things will be for you. I hope all is well!!! Stonewalled and denied the entire time. Thank you for another dose of great advice. Everyone thinks im great and we are a fantastic couple so I guess thats good. Yeah, whatever we do is seems very wrong. I got the baby in the stroller and I went for a run. She was 23 at the start of their relationship, the same year I celebrated my 50th birthday, so I get you on the 20 something part too. He would tell her what I was doing and saying. in the comment section below. Im not saying he is cheating now. i know its allowing him to cake eat and have things very easy, but I just have to focus on only myself and the baby for now. Two steps forward and one step back as they say. I dont want to be around him. Our 25th anniversary came around and HE planned a really nice overnight at a top hotel. You acknowledge when he is lying to you. He beefed for another chance. He now has a new respect for me AND he knows I could walk out the door anytime b/c I am strong enough to do it. Complete disrespect. Mine was 29yo OW when my H celebrated his 50th. They have court up once and spent the night together but didt have sex. Youre advise is right on to what is going on with my Husband with his Emotional Affair with a younger office coworker. Right now, him and i are not a couple, so I am just trying so hard to stop getting so worked up. I tell him I feel like he hates me, but he says he could never hate me. The longer the fog goes on, the more damage that is done to the marriage. If you wait until you get mad enough to do it first, the damage is done. How im SO insecure now when I never was before. I chose to REPEATEDLY try and try and try. By the end of 6 months I could have lived a year with my children if he didnt pay me a dime. During the week im usually still awake when he gets home, he will usually get home right before we put the baby down for bed. I absolutely do NOT want to divorce him, I love him more than anything, but I just dont even know this person right now sometimes. If they run backward, Some days feel good, and some days feel like absolute torture, and I dont know if its in my head and I make it worse by getting in a weird mood, or what. I lose my confidence, I become so angry I cant see straight. And then I lost all that power the minute I invited him back. But he was a coward. No craziness. But i do feel that way. And after two hours he agreed I was right. Linda: I should not have done that. Part despair, part guilt, a dose And the next day I had another t shirt on and he was like where are all these t shirts coming from?, bc theyre just old t shirts and he hasnt seen them on me before so hes curious. My big fear was that if I left the other woman would appear at my door within hours because she had obviously already replaced me online right in front of my face at home so I know he would have had no problem seeing her face to face if I wasnt here especially after finding out he was making secret phone calls to her and never did tell her he was married until I inserted myself in the situation and made it known that he had a wife. I learned this the HARD way during my Hs A. I thought (like you) that I could change him. As I said, that is the risk. Its indifference. But I was being calm and level headed. The only contact we have is a obligatory hug every morning from him as he leaves for work before me. But its hard to be my nice carefree self when I feel like my life is on fire. Living like hes single but still getting to come home to me and the baby every night. He thought I would wait for him to decide what he was going to do. I want a family life that he used to want and he no longer wants that. Last night he texted me and asked if I wanted him to pick up dinner, which was nice. Out of interest IOtheMoon, where are you now? I will never be able to control what he does or make him see things the way I am, his perceptions right now are absolutely screwed up. And lets say you NEVER again mention talking to her. I regret getting married to him. Most of the time, because of the kids, I acted like nothing was happening. and if I dont invite him then im afraid he will throw it in my face and say it hurt his feelings. I am DETERMINED to be happy with or without him, but I would be MUCH HAPPIER with him. It is not about control. I am being the exact opposite of what she is finding attractive in this other man. They begin to rationalize with themselves in order to cover up their feelings of guilt. I have seen this scenario many times w/ my friends. They feel a new high, a feeling of being in love. I just think as long as he is with her I cant move forward and why her?? He told me I only married him to spite my parents. I was lucky to have a great thetapist who kept me grounded and sane. He only associates with shady characters he knows will agree with him and who dont know us well enough to filter through his BS. I said to him you are a grown man. Everyday I wake up knowing I have a full day ahead of feeling pretty crappy for the most part. Because it is not a M. Thats for sure. Maybe Im totally wrong. Maybe he thinks I will just always be here even though I truly wont. You may have to end the conversation if he continues the lies b/c you will go nowhere. And that started the beginning of him changing. Get your plan B together b/c I fear you may need it. And that week he just seemed to be so distraught, texting me non stop, telling me how scared he was about everything, how hes not ready to divorce, etc. Its my thinking that gets me so upset. I only lasted 6 months and I needed to get out. In particular, shes committed to helping decrease stigma arou I wish people could hear how highly he speaks of himself and how he will choose to be home with the baby over doing anything else, yet this past week alone he was in the bar 4 nights. I would know more and more certainly if I had only investigated first, instead of trusting her. Again I think she is part of the problem but not the whole problem or ALL the problems. I am beginning to think theres OW in our city as well, why else would he be out all hours of the night. And i felt like I was completely doing it alone. H has not cracked the book yet, 6 weeks later. What makes my situation different is that my H came home and admitted the affair. Learn how your comment data is processed. I get the whole she my soul mate, she perfect for me, Im the happiest Ive ever been. And then the fog lifts and you see a tunnel and man it is far better than that tiny ledge you are standing on so you run, straight into the tunnel. While I was busy raising and looking after everything in my house, he was busy looking after himself. If you no longer want him to hang out in bars w/out you present, then you need to clearly state that during MC or in your talks to him. Surely her life was more important my jealousy. Hold your head up and be the best mom and person you can be. My CH had a more difficult time leaving her alone. And he has never used drugs and I have known him 35 years. You cannot get them to change UNLESS THEY WANT TO CHANGE! I KNOW in my heart he shouldnt be here. But he gets very worked up and says a lot of things out of anger that really hurt me, so I ended up walking away from the argument. And I think he knows it too. I know how maddening that is. I just know the longer we go on like this, the more we are forgetting who eachother really is. I should just be honest with him and tell him I dont know what to do and where we stand, but im so sick of bringing things up and watching his face just fall in annoyance (sometimes). I think its harder for him to disconnect from her because he is totally having his cake and eating it too. I believe he would have been totally happy living a double life but I foiled his plan. I pray for you and I know you are grieving. Unfortunately I was. Start disengaging that may make his head spin around. I feel humiliated by it all. Talked to a coach on the phone from this outfit 3 months after the workshop, and when asked if we wanted to save our marriage, I responded a resounding Yes! H..I dont know. When were home together and hanging out, things are fine. Prayers to you for all that you have suffered. Coach assigns us a book to read together. My H had one. Im sure im going to be extremely sad and depressed about this in a days time, I know its going to be so hard. I played along b/c I had no $ to my name. BUT if he chooses to lie then the conversation is over. Had he pulled this crap before the baby I probably would have told him to kick rocks, get his shit together, and get back to me when he woke the hell up and realized what a mistake he was making. He knew he couldnt and in the morning he told me he was staying with me. He cannot believe he even said that to me. Its EXHAUSTING. However, these crises can often be associated with Her fields of interest include Asian languages and literature, Japanese translation, cooking, natural sciences, sex positivity, and mental health. Hell, I wish THE FIRST TIME I saw a text from her 8 months ago I had kicked his ass out and let him see what life was like without me before the baby came. I think thats all part of it. It helps him continue the affair. 25 years I loved him and have him the best and that is what he told me!! You just told me not to obsess over her anymore and here I am completely obsessing. Yesterday he asked me where all my friends have been. He just wanted to be away, and it seems like thats what he is doing now a days again, but thats his decision I guess. You understand that he has made this choice, but unfortunately it is not OK with you. I never ever reached out to him again I ignored all his calls and emails to avoid any more lies I did not inform his wife I just couldnt do it she seemed so happy with her kid and him and I just didnt know what to do I feel bad I was lies to I never ever ever would date a married man not only did he say he was divorced for years he said he hopes to find the perfect woman for him and said I hope she exists and that he had not dated in a long time But I never told him I knew something told me she would maybe believe him and he would just lie to her about who I was but my god Im so happy I searched and looked into it asap within 3 months ! I appreciate it more than you know, as much as it terrifies me to read that you think I need a lawyer, etc. When I told him I was D him well reality set in and he realized he took ME for granted. You can get past this. His response? If possible, wed also like to hear from those of you whose spouse has emerged from the fog, and how you feel that was accomplished. Last night was a big one. DDay 2 was my turning point. I know that HE has to be the one to want it, HE has to be the one to want to reconnect with me, I know I cannot make him want that, and any effort to make him want that is only going to push him away. I made that poor choice and I let him justify his A as my fault. I dont want to lose myself. I dont want a husband like this. He came to me that he has symptoms of Chlamydia and implied that I gave it to him but I checked myself and I dont have it. He wont put in the work on the follow-up things were supposed to be doing. They may have convinced themselves that their marriage was already bad, that their partner really didnt love them, and that the affair partner must truly be their soulmate because he or she is the only one who understands them. You just are not reacting to his cheating. (I Believe) this has been going on for about 5 months. The A fog (the state yiur H is in) will make you crazy. And her H knows she means it. If you want to see new boundaries like he has no social media or you have free access to his phone, he must accept that. Shes not been complete gone if you ask me. I know that hurts, but that is probably the reality of the situation. You are not discussing anything.

How To Insert A Word Document Into Google Slides, Articles M